Mindful Confrontation: 9 Steps to Handle Conflict in a Healthy Way (by Melissa Eisler)
This month we are starting our new series on confrontation. Is it really possible to have healthy confrontation? Think about it for a minute. The last time you had a confrontation with someone, what happened? What solutions were concluded, and what lessons were learned?
Do you know people like me who try to avoid confrontation at all cost? I can tell you from experience, doing so is not healthy. When I avoid confrontation it weighs heavy on my heart. Truth be told, at times, I can’t even thing straight. I am not so much thinking about how I will handle myself, I am more so thinking about not wanting to hurt others. But here is a great revelation. Who says hurt has to be a part of confrontation?
Because we have confrontation with someone it could be more healing than hurtful! There are times when someone or yourself might feel hurt about the topic, but you can always appreciate the honesty! As we mature in our relationships, businesses and careers stop running from confrontation. Know yourself enough to know when you might have to “table” the conversation.
In the next coming weeks we are going to look at 9 steps to handle conflict in a healthy way! Don’t be scared…I am on this journey with you! The next time you have to deal with confrontation, I want you to refer back on this series and say, “I got this!”
Enjoy the blog below:
Confrontations can be overwhelming, disappointing, unpleasant, and sometimes terrifying. Confrontations can also often come with a negative connotation, implying some sort of unfair treatment to another human being or maybe even feel like a type of bullying. However, confrontation is a healthy avenue for you to stand up for yourself and your beliefs—to be heard and not silenced by inaction or fear. The key is in learning techniques to successfully approach confrontation as a constructive action rather than a mindless, purposeless string of verbal attacks.
Confrontation can be derived from a number of steps, all rooted in mindfulness, including:
Being mindful of your beliefs
Taking action to stand for those beliefs
Clearly communicating where you stand
Finding objectivity, rather than letting your emotions drive your responses
Ultimately, knowing that once you’ve stood up for yourself without expecting to change someone else’s belief or opinion, you have reached success. Try the following tips to help you ensure your confrontations are mindful.
Before you even dive into a confrontation, there is some preparation work you can do that can help you weigh the risks and build confidence and clarity around your goals. Doing this will help you feel more grounded and confident before you confront someone.
Note: If you’re being confronted, you most likely will not have a lot of time to prepare, so this section is dedicated to the person initiating the confrontation to help them decide the best path to take.
1. Assess Risks
If you’re considering a confrontation, ask yourself:
What do you stand to lose if you confront?
What do you stand to lose if you don’t?
What are the risks?
If you’re having trouble deciding, make a list of “reasons I want to confront” and “reasons I don’t want to.” Once done, go back to both lists and analyze your reasons. Are they based in fear? Shame? Are you protecting yourself or someone/something else? Are your reasons empowering?
While there are definitely good reasons to not confront, feeling ashamed is not one of them, so cross those off your list. Reassess your fear lists—are the fears realistic? Are they fears that are inevitable to accompanying any courageous act?
Next, ask yourself:
Would you go ahead with the confrontation even though your fears might be realized? Why or why not?
If they were realized, how would you live with the result?
These exercises will help you decide whether or not to confront someone and bring clarity to the particular confrontation you’re considering. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week!
Live Life On The Promise Of Impact! Carenda Deonne – Your #1 Change Agent